How Many Tears Are Enough?
October 14, 2000

The final day has come
And it's time to say goodbye
Family, loved ones,
Friends, and I
Gather 'round the morbid scene
Voiceless, witless, grief numbed,
And in this silence of weeping
I, dry eyed, can only stand dumb.
We knew this day was destined to be,
All those who are born will pass,
From the past I felt it could not be that far,
So I feel like I already held mass.
Do you understand?
Do you hate me for these dry eyes?
Do you know that I already mourned,
That over the past years I already cried?
Yes, I miss you,
Yes, I feel the grief,
But God help me, I simply cannot
Let my control release!
My grief is too great for me to cry,
I've been crying for almost ten years,
And know I damn the lump in my throat
That will not produce tears.
I miss you.
I love you still, you know.
But I'm still dry eyed,
Through guilt and relief both.
No more pain, no more complaints,
You can enjoy the deep fried chicken now,
Along with the soap operas that defined my memories,
In a body that age doesn't bow.
Selfishly sad for myself,
Outweighed by happiness for you,
Just please know that
My grief does not feel new!
I'm the only one not falling apart,
The only one without any tears,
It's not that I didn't love you,
It's simply that I find this better than my fears
Of lingering unhappiness of life,
Longer pain for you,
Please don't judge me harsh,
But for so long I knew.
It's over,
We've reached the end,
Still without wet eyes,
Please forgive me, my grandmother, my friend.

For Meme

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