Goodbye, Freshman Year
April 15, 2000
"But the ending always come at last, endings always come too fast, they come too fast, but they pass too slow"-- Art Garfunkel, "All I Know"
What is it about the rain that makes us melancholy? Is it a conditioned response, to associate gray, rainy days with sadness, breakups, and depression? Or is there something deeper inside that recognizes the myths of mourning gods, connecting with that sadness and spreading it throughout?
I suppose I should know the answer, as shrink - er, psychologist in training, but all I know right now is that it fits the mood. I've two days and one exam left to freshmeat year. That's it. Dear god, it feels like there should be more, LOTS more, but it's only two days.
In a way I'm happy about this. I really am. It'll be good to be back home, seeing the guys, doing lots of RPing, metalworking, and lord knows what else. Not to mention the lack of homework, need to be in bed by midnight (I'd say asleep, but it's usually me trying to reach that point), and a quiet room without LeAnne's headphones blasting rap loud enough for me to hear or Sarah typing away.
But I'll miss even that. I remember the first month of school. My roommate was then Babs, when I was on the second floor instead of a basement dweller. I'm shocked to look back and see I was regressing to grade/middle school behavior. It was all hide in the corner, try not to be noticed, and read. Socialization has never been a high priority, but then it was basically nonexistent. And to think it was chance that led to me getting two of the trippiest friends and greatest roommates I could dream of. There was nowhere to sit, one day at lunch, so I sat with these two weird girls and their freaky guy friend. When Babs informed me a few weeks later that our incompatible personalities meant one of us had to leave, I still barely knew the two. But the three of us could laugh together. That was a good sign. Not to mention that they were trying to ditch their roommate. It seemed like the perfect solution.
Nothing is perfect, but I'll say it was damn near close. Somehow we create balance enough to spend the majority of the year happy together. And it's been a wonderful year together. I love my roommates. I really, really wish we could've gotten a triple again for next year, but there just weren't any outside of the Building of Allergen Hell.
I think the split-up is what makes this summer feel more permanent than it really is. After all those horror stories of evil roommates, the experience with Babs, and then this little isle of serendipity.... I'm not anxious to see this trio breaking up. I'm scared of losing this closeness with them that we currently have. Oh, I'm not so far out of it to say that things are perfect - good grief, we've had some major soap opera moments this year! - but I can't recall being this comfortable with anyone, let alone two, to just let go. I'm gonna miss them, this situation. This year has been incredible. Weekly movies, games of Murder in the campus center every few weekends, and the whole total insanity, all by itself.
I almost don't wanna go home.
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