September: Info Dump

I wouldn't if I were you
I know what she can do
She's deadly man, and she could really rip your world apart
Mind over matter
The beauty is there but a beast is in the heart

Oh here she comes
Watch out boy she'll chew you up
Oh here she comes
She's a maneater

          "Maneater," by Daryl Hall

It's September again. School beginning. I look forward to it. Heh. It's amusing; so many dread and fear this time, while I relish it. So many new minds, ideas, so many different memories.... So very fulfilling. So very... tasty. As fascinating as some of the older professors have been, there are only so many of those to go around. I think there are about three more that could die of heart complications, any more and the police....

Feh. The police. I've taken a few in my time, and I'm not impressed. Aside from the childhood, it's pretty much the same old thing. Long investigation, lucky breaks, arrest criminals, taking money, using a gun.... Booooring. I much prefer students. At least they have different experiences. So many different lifestyles, different mindsets, simply differences you don't find in the older generation.

They have so much more variances. So many more flavors.... They're delicious when they're that young.

Yes, I look forward to meeting my new students.

October: Learning Curve

Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time.
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark.
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks.
I really need you tonight, forever's gonna start tonight,
forever's gonna start tonight.

Once upon a time I was falling in love but now I'm only falling apart.
There's nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart.
Once upon a time there was light in my life but now there's only love in the dark.
Nothing I can say, a total eclipse of the heart.

          "Total Eclipse of the Heart," by Bonnie Tyler

Jay sat back in her seat, slumping down in an effort to keep away from what had to be a hundred stares in her direction. She glared at the petite blonde standing at the podium in the front of the room, casually shuffling papers, and Jay's face flushed an even fiercer shade of crimson. God dammit, you... you insufferable bitch! There was NO call for that! The TA's snide barbs came too easily to mind. "This is one of the most rudimentary elements of anthropology.... it was in the reading, can't you even accomplish that?.... this is a serious class for serious students. Are you quite certain this is your field of study, Ms. Stiles? I do believe there are a few spots open in the Remedial Education classes, and that might be more on your level.... no homework either? Tsk tsk. It was in the e-mail I sent.... if your performance continues at this level, you will fail. Do try to keep up, hmm?"

Bitch! Jay mentally screamed. Yes I read the damn book, I just can't translate the technical bits, it was an honest question. And no I never got the fucking e-mail because I don't seem to be on the fucking mailing list! God! I'm trying my best, you can at least cut me a tiny bit of slack! Not in front of god and everyone, at least! Public humiliation won't change a single damn thing! I'm trying! she wailed in her mind.

The TA flipped through a few more papers, then scanned the class. "That'll be all for today. Read chapter fourteen for next time."

The lecture hall erupted with chattering, noisy students juggling papers, books, backpacks and laptops, each person desperate to escape. Jay took her time, delaying until she and the TA were the only ones left. She hesitantly approached the woman that even she almost loomed over, until her shadow over the desk managed to get her attention. Psyche Loar glanced up, moving only her eyes to accomplish a glare that would've done many a library matron proud. "Ms. Stiles." It was barely acknowledgement, more a resignation to the fact that she wouldn't go away.

"Ms. Loar, I... don't really understand something."

One faint eyebrow managed to rise even further. "I told you already, it was clearly in the-"

"Not that. Not exactly." Shit! Shouldn't've interrupted! Oh, fuck it. Things can't get worse. Figuring tact was long gone, she plowed on, throwing subtlety to the winds. "I don't get why you seem to be out to get me. Although I really doubt it, maybe I'm just totally misinterpreting things. It's just that you come down ten times are hard and ten times as fast on me than anyone else." She met the teacher's hazel stare. "I've hardly been late, I've never been drugged or drunk, I do pay attention, I just occasionally don't understand stuff which is basic human nature. It's... really getting to me."

The TA glared at her some more before turning back to her books. "I grade each person according to their ability on the work I assign. Attempts at ingratiation and or threats are clear grounds for failure."

The student's jaw dropped to about her knees. "What?!" she shrieked. "Uh, excuse me?! Ah, no. I am not aiming to drag my grade up, I-"

"You should. You are currently failing, you know."

"Wh-wait. This is wrong."

"You're quite correct. The time and place for this are my office hours. You know when those are. Save it until then, when I'm not so busy. Good day." With that casual dismissal, Loar turned back to her papers.

Jay stood frozen for a time, then turned on her heel and stormed from the lecture hall, hands in tight fists as she battled between frustrated tears and screaming in pure rage. This is WAY too fucked up!!!!!

Inside the room, Psyche smirked to herself. Sometimes, the best memories are the ones you make yourself. How did Claudia put it? Oh, yes. Cravings are a bitch.

November: Final Evaluation

Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well
Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to good-bye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon
All my time is frozen motion
Can't I stay an hour or two or more
Don't let me let you go

          "Here's to the Night," by Eve 6

I must be getting used to this break up thing: Corinne and I broke up today.

No, damn it, it's not the whole break up. She pretty much dumped me. She has definite ideas of all or nothing. And lots of 'all' too. Wasn't meant to be, wasn't meant to be her. Yeah, it was cool to be with her for a time, a... healing period? Something. Time to get over Jay.

Except I'm not over her. I still... I still love her. I know I said I'd let her go, but it's so hard. I see something and catch myself thinking about how I need to tell her about it, something to get the conversation going, how she'd like a joke I heard, anything.

God, I'm pathetic. I know the others are doing their best to get me over her, but I don't think I can. I never really went for the soul mate theories, but this is a bit much for an infatuation.

I looked up love in the dictionary tonight. "An intense emotional state involving attraction, sexual desire, and deep concern for another person." Intense hardly seems to be the word, although the rest fits fairly well.

Does "attraction" mean that I'm happier being with her than anyone else I know? Does "sexual desire" qualify as the gut feeling that she is the one, and the only one I want? Is "deep concern" being that I will stay here, and wait and worry, for however long it takes?

I sure hope so, 'cause otherwise I am one sick puppy.

Many thanks once again to Datafage for proofing, and much groveling to the nifty M.C. for her continual comments and... encouragement. Also, tip o' the hat to Tyr, whose creativity daemons had better take this as a bribe. I need reading material, grommit! ;) Also a big hiyas to Mendon, since I don't mention him in the credits often enough. With luck, that'll be another bribe. }:)

As always, questions, comments, etc. can be sent to Actually, feedback is ALWAYS appreciated. No, really, it is!

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DISCLAIMERS: All original characters belong to me. You can't use them without my permission. But if you ask, you're most likely to get it. But you still have to ask. The gargoyle race in general and a bit of gargoyle lore are owned by Buena Vista and therefore the Great Mouse, used with great reverence, respect, and without permission. Rainier and Cascade are property of Pet Fly Productions (and Paramount). This isn't intended as copyright infringement. Various random brand names and music selections are not mine, you'll know 'em if you see 'em. Soundtrack is done by Daryl Hall, Bonnie Tyler, and Eve 6, all without permission, no infringement, no profit, yadda yadda.