Jay blinked and stared around. Three seconds ago she'd been wandering around near Porter's Rock, now she was inside somebody's living room.

"Moooom!!" A young gargoyle, a blue male maybe around seven with shaggy brown hair, sprinted past her. Jay followed him to a kitchen, where the kid tackled the leg of an older blue female with short cropped brown hair who was chatting with something that looked like a TV. "Mom," the kid whined again, "Scott took my Optimus Primal."

The female sighed and turned to him with a look half annoyance, half guilt. "Hon, I'm sorry, but I'm on the phone. Give me three minutes or bug Dad, ok?"

Jay's jaw met her knees. "No... way...," she breathed in shock. The pair ignored her, and considering her astonishment, that was probably for the best.

A green male came through the back door. His gray business suit provided a startling contrast with the gold hoops in an ear and his haircut; a grown out crew cut ending in a short, neatly kept ponytail. "I think my ears are burning," he grinned.

"Dad!" the kid squealed, releasing the female to charge at him. The elder dropped a briefcase and swung the kid into a hug. By the time they finished rough housing, the female had turned the TV thingy off and stood nearby, a smile playing over her face.

"Hey, love. Welcome home," she said, leaning in for a long kiss.

When they broke apart, the male stood staring into her eyes. "How is it you get more beautiful every time I come home?"

"Short memory."

He laughed. "Impossible."

"Dad, how long you home for?"

"Rest of the week, squirt. Here." He pulled off his necktie, stopping just short of dismantling the loop. "Mind putting this with the rest for me?"

"Sure!" The blue bundle of activity took it and raced off.

The male sank into a chair with a sigh. "Thank god that's done with," he muttered, loosening several buttons on his dress shirt. "I swear, Jay, the only difference between necktie and noose is the letters."

"I'm glad I don't know," the female said, sliding behind and wrapping her arms around him. "But... we can always move to New York, I mean, the way you travel...."

He was already shaking his head. "No. The kids need their clan, and that's here."

"But they do see the Manhattan Clan as theirs, and then Nicole - "

"No! This is home."

She raised her hands. "Ok. It's just a suggestion, Tate. No more. Just remember if the commute gets to be too bad - "

He twisted to give her an impish grin. "I get to tell those idiots pretending to be politicians exactly what I think of 'em."

She laughed and hugged him. "Ok."

"Daaaad!" The blue youngster barreled in again to pounce him. It was only after the frenzied greeting rituals finished that Jay realized that it wasn't the same kid; this one had lighter hair that reached his shoulders and a small blade at the end of his tail.

"So," the male said, "I hear you've been bothering Kev again?"

The kid's jaw stuck out. "Optimus is mine, Cheetor is his."

"Uh...." He looked to the female for a ruling.

She sighed and raised her eyes. "They're your kids."

"Just mine? Come on, it takes two to sc-ack!" He jumped as the female's tail blade scraped up his leg. "Tango."

"Scaktango?" the child asked curiously, not noticing his parent's suddenly freaked then abruptly blank faces.

"Uh, yeah, it's a special version of the tango," the male fumbled, giving his mate sheepish glances, in return for a serious glare. "Formal occasions only."

"Dinner's nearly ready," the female finally said with one last evil look. "Go wash up."

"Aw Mom - "

She arched an eye ridge. "Then let me see your hands."

"Ok, ok, I'm going," the kid muttered, knowing he was defeated. He slunk out of the room, tail and wings drooping.

"Tell your brother!" She turned the glare full force on the male. "Someone's being a little loose around the kids," she muttered icily.

"Geeze, I'm sorry." He sighed and ran a hand over his face. "It's been the day from hell and I had lunch with Brook and Arthur, and you know how they get when they have a few beers."

"Just watch your mouth, ok?"

"Ok, ok. Lemme guess; I'm not the only one with a long day."

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Vacuuming day. And I swear, every three seconds, thwoop, rattle rattle 'Moooom! That had life and death importance!' Gaaah."

He leaned over and gave her a cautious hug. "That's because you weren't wearing your pearls."

She snorted in amusement. "A, I'm not Donna Reed by a long shot. B, that's because you never got me any, cheapskate."

His jaw dropped in mock amazement. "I didn't? Well it's a good thing I picked this up, then." He handed her a jewelry box, which she opened to reveal a string of black pearls.

"Oh my god. Tate, you shouldn't have!" she gasped.

He tugged at his ear. "Um, sorry, but I'm too worn out to interpret. Was that a 'god those are ugly shouldn't have' or some other version?"

She gave him an incredulous look. "They're beautiful, but... man, expensive."

He wrapped her in another hug. "Can't have the head gargoyle expert and anthropologist coming to dinners in anything less. Besides, the wife of the Gargoyle Seat deserves a little something special."

She pulled back to give him a happily surprised look. "You got the position?"

He placed a hand on his chest and declared in mock snooty tones, "Have more respect when talking to one of Our rank, wench."

She whooped and pulled him back into a rib-cracker of a hug. "Congrats, love!"

Crash. "Moooom! Daaaad!"

The female sighed even as the pair moved for the door. "Remind me again why we had kids."

"Hormones. It had to be the hormones."

Anything more was lost to Jay with the sounds of waking.

Gargs belong to Buena Vista. I only claim the characters aside from Brook and Aurther, who are also Disney's. Please don't sue, and please don't steal!

Let me out of here!!!! A.K.A. Home

I actually wanna go back. To see more bloopers.

Questions? Complaints? Flames? Send it all to Norcumi@backtick.net.